I wish I could say I was relaxed enough to find the concept of strapping a gps tracker to my four year old for her upcoming school trip an amusing one but I am afraid the anxiety is running full pelt as she prepares to embark on her first school trip to the seaside without us. And it is two hours drive away from me! I am not joking when I say that when I first signed the permission slip I thought it was on a Friday (a non-work day) and that I actually had every intention of offering up my services as a helper and, if refused, hovering comedy detective style behind souvinir stands and ice cream vans to ensure she was always safe.
Insane? Absolutely! But as the date draws nearer I find myself furiously scrabbling for ways to protect her while she is so far away and have even found myself desperately hoping that her occasional utterance of “I don’t think I want to go” blossoms into a definite, despite me choking on the words “Oh sweetheart, you will have such a lovely time with your friends”. I wish my internal voice could get in sync with that reassuring mummy voice because even when she is reassured I am left gasping for air in the privacy of the bathroom as I contemplate this milestone.
I may not be able to say it to her, but I can say it here – “I don’t want her to go, I am too damn scared!”.
The new counsellor (jolly nice fellow but really wish he would stop with the soft voice because it sounds unnatural!) would ask what I was afraid of and if these fears were logical.
Her wandering off and getting lost – she is four, totally logical
Her wandering off for a paddle and drowning – she cannot swim, plus current, totally logical
Some a**ehole seeing that beautiful smile and golden curls… I can’t even bring myself to go on with that thought…
Would it be so terrible of me to say no, I am just not ready??? 😦